I got home late one night. After dark. This was unusual. I really don't leave the farm that much and if I do, I seldom get home after dark. Hardly ever. I think I'd been doing something fun. Probably with Auntie Reg. I can no longer remember.
As I drove up to the barn my headlights flashed onto Jared standing up on the hill watching down the driveway waiting for me to come home. Everyone else was tucked into the barn. Just Jared, out by himself, in the dark, standing watch. Making sure I got home safe.
Jared and I spent hours together in the driveway. Up until just a few days ago, he met me out there every morning. We'd greet each other and then I'd go make a quick barn check and come back out and drink my coffee while we watched the sun rise and the day begin. He loved to watch it all.
We'd stand side by side, my hands stroking his face, rubbing his ears and twining in his wool. If I was tired I'd sit on an apple crate or an upside down bucket and he'd stand there beside me. The last few months, he stood leaning against my leg and I helped hold him up. And then I couldn't hold him any longer.
All of my sheep are special. Jared was outstanding. As I waited for the vet I talked about all the sheep and dogs and horses and cats who had gone before him. We talked about Rocky. I told him to look for everyone and tell them we were all doing okay.
I told him some of my favorite stories.
I just realized I forgot to remind him about beating up Pinto when he joined the flock and tried to steal all the 'wimmens'. There's no chance Jared had forgotten that one though.
I reminded him about how he and Rocky defended the flock from the stray dog. How proud I was of them.
About him and Rocky going way out in the field together to graze even when no one else wanted to go out. How I loved seeing them do that. Such great friends. Brothers.
What a great job he did welcoming everyone to the farm. He was so kind. The friendliest face. I don't think he ever missed getting up and walking out to greet every single person who visited.
I brought his sweater out to the barn and thanked him for giving me such a beautiful gift. He looked and sniffed it all over. I never showed him something that I'd made that he didn't show interest in.
How much I loved him and how much I was going to miss him and how sad I was...which I couldn't hide even though I tried to put on a brave face and finally gave up.
How I wished we could stand out in the driveway one last time.
And I thanked him for taking the time to stand out in the driveway with me all those mornings. And nights. And it came into my head that maybe he'd say the same to me. And I hope that was a message from him.
I think I'd been doing something fun. Probably with Auntie Reg. I can no longer remember but I'm trying. The date isn't important. It's just a time stamp to find a picture I'm pretty sure I took. Of Big J standing at the top of the hill watching down the driveway waiting for me to come home.
I'd give anything to see that one more time.
21 comments:
Sobbing! Jared came to greet me when I visited you. He was so tall! I never knew sheep could be so tall. I'll miss him too. Hugs Sara.
If I can see to type through my tears, I want to say that it is a testament to your writing and photography skills that all your blogpals know and love your companions so much that every loss shatters our hearts, too. Hugs from Oregon.
Oh, Sara. I'm so sorry. All of the losses are hard, but this one feels especially heart-breaking. I know you will miss him terribly. 💔
I love your big open heart and all the joy and pain it can hold. You give us all such a special gift by sharing your flock here. Thank you, and I am so sorry for the loss of Big J.
Oh sweet Jared, I wonder who he told to take over his job? So sorry Sara, you are the bestest Shepherdess, where ever would these sweet sheeps be without you. Thank you...I am sending a hug your way.
Oh, Sara, I can hardly swallow... It takes bravery to love animals. We set ourselves up for heartbreak, don't we? Yet we do it again and again... That alone is a testament to their unique and special place in the hearts they break, because they are worth it, completely and eternally. I will forever be amazed at Jared's leadership. Simply amazing! What a menagerie awaits you someday in green pastures by still waters. Be kind to yourself.💔💞
K.Littrell above.
Thank you for sharing Jared with us. We are all sad and heartbroken with you. Sending big hugs from Marcy in California
Such kind and wise eyes in that last photo.
It has been a tough week for both of us. So many memories to cherish.
Hugs sent your way.
I am so sorry. Hugs.
He was a good sheep. You are a good shepherd. He is in sweet pasture now with all the other Equinox Farm family. I am so sorry for your loss. 💔 Chris S in Canada.
Difficult to write condolences with tears streaming down my checks. Bless you.
So sorry to hear about Jared. I've always enjoyed the pictures of him through the years. He was a special soul and will be missed.
Hugs to you all.
Sara. Every time you have to say goodbye to one of your flock I tear up and wonder how you bear it. This time feels like too much. I can't stop crying as I think about your heart breaking and the wonderful life you give your sheep.
My deepest sympathy on the departure of Jared. He was clearly a treasure who will be missed forever but you have a sweater from his wool to wrap yourself in and you gave him a forever home and good life. He'd gone to be with dearly departed friends and will someday watch for you to come home again.
Hugs!
My eyes are leaking and I seem to not be able to stop the the tears. May Big J be free from pain and running with Rocky. He’d tell you to look into the mist each morning. That he’ll be thre, looking in on you and his charges. Making sure you’re OK. And blessing you each morning.
Me too. am so sorry. I can't see to type right now. just know... well you know. love ya, )))hugs(((
I am having a hard time typing. Oh, Sara! You are so special! And Jared (see his grey face---his sweet loving grey face) is a special sheep and very special sheep. He knew how to talk to you and you knew how to listen. A huge gift that you passed on to us. Thank you so much. I'm so glad he waited for you. It best to be together at times like that. Many hugs to you, my Dear Sweet Friend.
Jared was a very special sheep. Thank you for sharing him with us.
so sorry for your loss!
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