Wednesday, October 16, 2019

We Are All Just Walking Each Other Home


Eli
January 2003 - October 2019

It's almost midnight.  I've written two obituaries tonight.  This is the third.  Yesterday was a dumpster fire.  I'm exhausted and my eyes are almost swollen shut.  I really just need to go check the barn and go to bed.

I like to make one last barn check at night.  During the summer I'm usually still out at the barn at 10:30.  When the days get short though I have to walk back out.  I've never made that trek alone.  Of course Kate goes with me and the silly corgi, too, if I can wake her up, but my favorite walking buddy was Eli.

You expect your dogs to follow you around, but on a cold or rainy night it seems unlikely that a cat would leave his heated bed. During the Iknitarod when I'd stay out at the Wool House for an hour or two after dinner, I'd close up shop and Eli would bound down from the porch where he'd been huddled up waiting for me and he'd walk me home.

You know that old animals are not going to live forever or a sheep with an odd lump is probably not going to have a happy ending.  While it has always been one of our greatest fears, I never truly expected after 16 years of safely negotiating our country road...  What I wouldn't give for a 10th life.

Much of a farmer's (or anybody's) day is not "storybook", but if you look for them there are always bright spots in every day and that helps balance the scales.  Those nightly walks home were always bright spots.  I think they were special to Eli as well.  He never missed a night.

It will be okay...eventually.


34 comments:

Michelle said...

Oh Sara.... And I thought I have it hard watching two old dogs in a slow slide to the bottom. Losing three animals in quick succession is . . . immense. If you didn't have such a huge, strong heart, well, we'd all be much, much poorer. I'm sure the Good Shepherd is crying with you, with us. Hugs. And lots of tissues.

KimmyK said...

Damn.That's all I have. And tears.

The Dancing Donkey said...

I am so sorry. I wish there was something better to say, but...I am just so sorry.

bkraski said...

Sara, I’m so sorry for the pain this brings you. I’ve read your entire blog, and I love your stories and the animals that you have brought to life for me. I hope it will help for you to know that I won’t soon forget Hershey, Renny, and Eli. 🌈 Brenda

sophy0075 said...

Oh bleep. Oh Sara. Three treasured friends. One awful day. This wasn’t a dumpster fire - you have been napalmed. All the Hallmarks in the world can’t give comfort. I am so very sorry. Now I realize why it is the Rainbow “Bridge “. Our river of tears flood under it.

Lisa said...

So much loss for just a few hours. I will be thinking of you while you grieve. I'm sorry for all that you have been through.

Lisa said...

I'm so sorry for your loss of 3 special friends. They were lucky to have you. I'm glad Comby has a new warm bed, will Betsy not snuggle with him to keep warm?

Grey Horse Matters said...

There’s nothing left to say, sorry doesn’t seem to cover all the pain and loss you’ve experienced in the last few days. Eli sounds like a cat among cats. How cool that he would walk with you at night. There’s not many cats who would do that for their people. He loved you as much as you loved him.

Mary Ann said...

Oh, Sara.

Benita said...

What a rotten week for you. I am so very sorry.

Far Side of Fifty said...

Poor Eli, poor you. I am so sad for you. He was a good kitty.

Kim said...

My heart hurts.
~kim

bbrock said...

I'm just so very, very sorry...

Leslie said...

Oh, god, I'm so sorry. I've never met a single one of your animals but cant wait to read about them each day and hear about their goings on.
Except these last 3 posts. Take care of yourself. What you do is hard, so take care.

ElaineChicago said...

My heart breaks for you.

Anonymous said...

Sara & Tim, my heart (nor my eyes) can not hold the sorrow I feel for you both.

Linda said...

Sara & Tim, my heart (nor my eyes) can not hold the sorrow I feel for you both.
Linda @ Fat Cat

Shirley said...

I can't read the whole text of this post as some of it is covered by Eli's picture, but that's ok, maybe I'd rather not know and the photo is enough of a tribute and a story.
It's so hard to deal with a tragic death as compared to one that you know is coming.
My heart goes out to you and your husband as you deal with the pain of these 3 losses so close together. More (((hugs)))

-jane roth- said...

A dreadful, terrible awful time. I am so very sorry.

-jane-
-sending many hugs and much ❤️

Marcy said...

I am heartbroken, for you, for Hershey, Ronny and Eli. I can only wish them safe journey to the other side, wherever that might be. What precious memories you have shared of all of them. Thank you.

Lisa said...

No words. Thinking of you.

amyfibre said...

When I look up at the stars and moon at night, I often think of your late night barn pictures.

Now I will also know that one of those stars shining down is Angel Eli walking us all home.

Holding you in my heart...

Terry and Linda said...

What a horrible sad day. Horrible. Nothing can help, not words or hugs, but if they would know my heart is with you. I am crying too. Sometimes life seems so not right.

Karen at longwell said...

If only they wouldn't have to go...if only...I am heartbroken for your sudden and overwhelming loss.

Lady Locust said...

OH Dear! Prayers and blessings to you.

Suzanna said...

Oh so many all at once, I am so sorry, and send you and Tim much love.
💔🐑💔🐑💔🐈🙏

Tagati said...

So sorry for your losses. That's a lot to experience is a very short time.

They were blessed to have you and they brought a lot of enjoyment to recluses like myself. If it weren't for my critters, I don't know how I'd make it through the day.

Big hugs (don't mind my sniffling).

Lisa Smith said...

Oh Sara, my heart breaks for you and Tim. I am so very sorry. I once read the cost of loving pets is the pain of losing them. I hope the love you feel from all your other beloved furry family members helps ease your grief.

Rhumpelthreadz said...

My heart hurts. Hugs

Cheryl West said...

Dear Sara, how totally devastating for you. I am heartbroken for you and these dear loved ones.
I am sure you know how loved you are and how grateful we, the readers, are for all you share with us.
Thank you so very much for all your care.

LannieK said...

Oh Sara & Tim ~
)))hugs((( that's all I can say...

Nburrill said...

So glad you have the wonderful memories of your faithful companion Eli. As difficult as it may be to write about your losses, I’m glad you share both the good and bad with all of us - that’s what life is all about.

Nancy said...

Sara - I am reading this with tears in my eyes but I want to tell you a dream I had; my husband passed from death into life on June 2nd. We are believers in Heaven and we often spoke of will our animals (mostly the sheep) be there too. Well, after he died the dream was that he came running over a very green hill and said "It's all true and they are all here!". We will see them all again if Heaven is in our future.I recently lost 3 of my sheep and I know they are all safe in green pastures. Blessings

Donna said...

Three deaths. That is so hard to take. I cannot imagine. One is hard enough. Take care of yourself.

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