Friday, October 19, 2012

[I'm] Not Worthy


There's a fun (but accurate) story behind the title, but I'm afraid I'll electrocute myself on this stupid computer if I try to tell it.  Or any of the hundreds of great stories about the big red horse.

I took pictures of his halter because I haven't decided what to do with it.  Part of me thinks it should be buried with him in the morning...and part of me wants to hang on to it so tight they'll have to bury it with me.  

My heart and soul.

62 comments:

Lori Skoog said...

Sara...what the heck happened?

Terry said...

Oh no! Oh Sara, I am so so sorry.

YarnKettle said...

Oh I'm so sorry.

Michelle said...

My heart just bottomed out and my eyes flooded....

Wish I could be there to hug you tight and cry with you.

Anchor Cottage said...

You have a way with words, I feel your "unbearable sadness". I am so sorry. Mary Ann @ Anchor Cottage

Anonymous said...

Oh Sara - another loss. You've had so many already.
My choice would be to keep the halter - where Handy is now, he doesn't need one. He's running and grazing and playing without need for such things, he's in God's pastures, I really believe that.

I'm so sorry to hear this news.
Chris S. in Canada

thecrazysheeplady said...

He was fine this morning when he and Hickory came in for breakfast. Turned out an hour later, everything normal. Some time during the afternoon he just dropped, no sign of struggle. I guess a heart attack or aneurism. He was 27. He was the kindest, most honest, hard working, dependable, fancy, talented, brave, took me so many place, opened so many doors, made so many friends, taught me (and so many others) so many things... One in a million. It was an unbelievable honor.

Alice said...

Oh my!!! I am so, so sorry! This year has been filled with so many losses to your farm family. Unbearable sadness, indeed!
{{{hugs}}}

melanie said...

So very sorry....

Bee Lady said...

Sending HUGS to you. I feel your pain. We lost our dog last week and I'm still not done crying.

Cindy Bee

MarmePurl said...

So very sorry for your loss. Truly.

I look forward to reading the story, accurate or fun or both...
...when you are ready.

gowestferalwoman said...

NOOOOO. So fast, no time to say goodbye - its supposed to be just another friday, another autumn day - so much loss this year :(

please keep the halter - he'd want you to hold it for him until he sees you again, and for you to savor the memories when you hold it - thats where he'd get excited the most, to see it in your hands, bringing it to him, knowing something good was going to happen...its yours in his eyes, he was yours.

((((Hugs my friend))))

CathyD. said...

Sara, We're so very sorry. We still talk about the way he posed for pictures and seemed to say "this is my best side". Can't begin to imagine the grief you're feeling. My heart just breaks for you. Hugs for the morning.

And please, hold on to the bridle; he'd want you to have it.

CathyD. said...

Sorry, I meant halter, but please tuck it away in a corner of the tack room. Someday, you'll smile when you find it.

Far Side of Fifty said...

Well who is going to scratch Gato's itchy spots now???
What dreadful news..poor boy..but if he died in a pasture amongst friends..then that is a pretty good place to go on from.
You will know what is right to do with the Halter.. maybe looped around a favorite photo or worn one last time..forever..
My sympathy:(

The Dancing Donkey said...

So so sorry.

Tombstone Livestock said...

So sorry to hear of your loss. But a long wonderful life and if he did not suffer that is a blessing. I say keep the halter, I know since you take such great pictures you must have a few of him. Enlarge one and put halter in a shadow box with his picture in your tack room. He gave you lots of good memories, keep them front and center.

Sherbet Sheep said...

I feel so sad for you. I know how precious he was to you. My humble opinion as your friend Sherbet Sheep is that you should definately keep the halter. Love and huge rainbow coloured hugs
from Sherbetx

Mimi Foxmorton said...

Oh lovie......what a
heart ache........my love and Blessings go out to you this day.....

We are truly Blessed to have the love of a loyal animal friend......you deserved every second of that! ;)

*hugs*

Mimi

Christine said...

What?! Oh no! I'm so sorry. Well, if I were to choose a way for him to go that would be it, no suffering. Big internet hug being sent your way.

I need orange said...

I am so sorry. It is always so hard when they must go on without us -- I can't imagine having it be so horribly sudden.

Sending much sympathy. He was such a good boy.

Andee said...

Oh I am so sorry {{hugs}}

kbdoolin said...

Sara--I'm so sorry that yet more saddness has been heaped upon your already sad summer. I know that 27 is a ripe old age but we still never seem to be as completely prepared as we thought we would be at the end. You and your farm family are in my thoughts as you move through this sad day.

small farm girl said...

I have nothing I can say. That just SUCKS! We had to put one of our horses down a couple of weeks ago. Not something I will ever forget. I think I know how you feel.

cecilia said...

Popped in again to see how you are doing. I had no words last night when i saw what had happened. Still have no words .. but love love c

Jody said...

I understand your heartache upon losing a dear animal friend. Hugs to you XXX

Leslie McNeil of MarveLes Art Studios said...

Sad to hear of your heart-felt loss... but I was blessed to also read the love in your heart, and know it was truly an honor and a gift ... to have an animal such as this, and to care and love them for 27 years. I am so sorry... He will comfort you, I know it.

janna said...

I'm sure that going quickly, outdoors, in a beautiful pasture, knowing he is loved, is how any horse would hope to go. Keep the halter. So very very sorry.

Tree Hugger - Suzan said...

It hurts so much because of the love in your heart and soul! That's a good thing! Keep his halter where you can see it and touch it as you pass by. It will keep your memories sharp until you can brush him down again.

Tiggeriffic said...

I would save the halter.. Whenever one of our dogs die or cats I save their collars and hang them in the shed.. Sometimes when I'm there I just touch each one and remember how much I loved them.
Sorry about this as death is not strange to us with being here on earth ..whether we are animals or people.. It's just hard to lose something that we love so much.
Have a tiggeriffic week=end..ta ta for now from Iowa:)

bj from La Colline, home to Sabio and Ginny and their memories said...

Unbearable it is,Dear Sara.

Hold on to his halter. Handy will understand and he does not need it to run free.

threecollie said...

Oh, no, I am so sorry to read this. I agree to hang on to that halter and the memories it will bring you..

~Kim at Golden Pines~ said...

I am so, so sorry about your loss! A good friend of mine also just lost her horse and I have learned from her and others that you truly share a special trust and unique bond with your horse. I so hope you find comfort as you hold his halter in your hands, and I hope you find peace in your memories of a wonderful life together!!

Terry and Linda said...

OH! NO!!! I'm crying as I read this...Sara I am so sorry. Hang onto the halter, I have my leash from Zoomie, who came into my life suddenly and left in just a few months as suddenly. Every time I see it My Heart goes right to him!

Linda
http://coloradofarmlife.wordpress.com
http://deltacountyhistoricalsociety.wordpress.com

Marcy in Calif. said...

This fills me with so much sadness. My heart is with you.....your losses this year are just devastating.

ladyfarrier said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Pam said...

Sara, Sara, Sara. If only we could all fall over dead after a lifetime of being loved, being with friends and living in a wonderful and beautiful place. What you gave each other is priceless, and you'll never forget. xxxooo

ladyfarrier said...

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Bless his heart, Handy even spared you making the hardest decision the owner of an "old horse" ever has to make.

"Somewhere in time's own space
there must be some sweet pastured place,
where creeks sing on and tall trees grow,
Some paradise where horses go.
For by the love that guides my pen
I know great horses live again."
Stanley Harrison.
Godspeed Handy.

MarmePurl said...

Still thinking of you today.
Just so you know

Ed said...

Oh man, thats a total bummer..:-(

Sheepmom said...

Noooo.... Was gone all day, only just reading this now. Not Handy..not after losing so many friends this summer...with no time to say goodbye.... I'm just so sad for you.
Please keep his halter. You'll be so glad you have it where your eye and hand can fall on it frequently. You can be glad to know he lived happy and well until his last minute. He spared you the pain of making the choice for him. He was your 'once in a lifetime' horse.

Eleanor P said...

Oh Sara, I am so very sorry for you. How kind of Handy to take all decisions from you and go quickly. Love and hugs from me and all of my flock and horses.

Kelly said...

Sara, hugs to you tonight. I too have also experienced this kind of loss. I lost my beloved horse after 20 years together. He was with me through my teens and well into my 30s. He was almost 31 when he passed. He was literally and figuratively such a large presence in my life that loosing him left me rudderless.

I was glad I kept his halter and a large lock of mane and tail hair before we buried him. I later had some of it woven into a ring that I now wear.

I found it difficult to summarize how I felt, but part of a poem gave me comfort and I had it put on his headstone.

"My horse’s feet were as swift as rolling thunder
He carried me away from all my fears
And when the world threatened to fall asunder
His mane was there to wipe away my tears."

You gave Handy a wonderfully full and satisfying life. He knew he was safe and loved.

Please know you are not alone and we all wish you peace during this difficult time.

Gloria19 said...

So sorry. So sad. Too much loss. But what a perfect way for a horse to leave. Fall over on a perfect day
in the pasture.

Keep his halter.
hugs.

Gloria

farmlady said...

Oh no, Sara, this is awful. I'm so sad for you. Loving an animal can be so wonderful and then they leave us. This time... too quickly.
My heart hurts for you.

Susan said...

I am so sorry, Sara. What a loss.

Jenny Glen said...

I'm crying now too! I talk about him all the time - how he baby sat me the first/only time I drove a horse. You told me he'd take verbal commands but I liked directing him with just his reins because he was so responsive. I kept giving him less and less of a signal and it felt like all I had to do was think about a turn and he'd do it with not even a twitch from my fingers.
He'd had foot problems right before I came but he was so beautiful and strong that day.
Hugs just don't seem enough for you right now.

Jenny Glen said...

BTW, I carry my favorite dog's collar deep down in my purse.

Anonymous said...

Sara --
So sorry for your loss, but as others have said, Handy knew he was loved and to go out on a perfect day in the pasture, among friends, should bring you some comfort.

Sending you love and hugs from MN

Jean

Strawberry Lane said...

Ohhhh ... I'm just so very, very sorry!

Peruby said...

Reaching out to you with comfort from my neck of the woods. A soft pat on your shoulder. What a painful loss. Sending wishes for strength and peace your way.

Eleanor P said...

Just so you know, I have a ball, a nameplate, some tail hair (horse and cow) and a dog name tag or two tucked away to be buried with me. I hope somebody remembers.
You are the sister of my heart. Hang on tight.

Benita said...

Not Handy!! Oh, Sara, I am soooo sorry!!! Like everyone else, I want to know what happened, but not until you are ready to tell it. Until then, you are in my thoughts and prayers.

texomamorganlady said...

My Generals halter still hangs on my bedpost, 3 years later.

amyfibre said...

So very, very sorry, Sara. You have had more than your share of losses this year. Wishing you peace...

Strawberry Lane said...

Had to come back, again, and tell you how much I'm thinking of you. Such a loss is beyond heartbreak.

Keep his halter.

I still have Ebony's halter and polish it every my tears start flowing. It's a connection I'm grateful to have.

Sending you thoughts and prayers for peace.

thecrazysheeplady said...

Thanks everyone. All the caring, thoughtful messages have meant so much.

I did keep his halter. He'd worn that halter since the mid 90's, not once damaging it the way of so many leather halters. That's the classy horse he was.

The whole thing is still just such a shock. The bus that hits you...

toastyyak said...

HUGS

kenleighacres.com said...

I am so sorry. How blessed you both are to have shared your lives together. I was happy to read that you kept his halter. ((((Hugs))))

♥ Brigitte ♥ said...

I am so sorry Sara :(

Hugs
Brigitte

Shirley said...

Just catching up on my blog reading... not wanting to read this story....
Hugs to you; I know that feeling only too well. I love his name, Must Be Dreaming, because now he will gallop through your dreams and, God willing, greet you with soft nickers when you reach the other side of this life.

gtyyup said...

So very sad for you...but what a wonderful way to leave this world. You'll be seeing him again; until then, hold his spirit in your heart~

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