Friday, March 23, 2007

The War At Home

Before you start to read this, set down any beverages you might be consuming.

Okay. Ready?

I AM TAKING BACK CONTROL OF THIS FARM!

The bird chasing cats have been kicked out of the greenhouse. They are now homeless and living in cardboard boxes. If they don’t straighten up, I’m going to give their Alaskan Salmon Cat Treats to the dogs. Even the crumbs.

In a combat maneuver tonight, each and every chicken will have her wing feathers clipped. There will be no more digging in my gardens, hiding eggs in the hay stalls, sleeping in the loft, teasing Iris in the driveway, trying to figure out how to start the tractor... No more. You have five acres, a creek and three horse stalls to play in all day. It’s a chicken paradise.

Elizabeth and Peabody! If you don’t quit screaming at me when I’m working on the porch, there’s a fair chance you might be our first non-vegetarian cooking experiment. I’m not kidding. You have plenty of green grass to eat. You do not need “cookies”. I realize it’s hotter than normal this time of year. The shearer is coming on Wednesday. I think you can make it.

T-Bone, Handy and Aria. You will all be wearing (grazing limiting) muzzles until midsummer. You eat way too much grass and it makes you sick. T-Bone! WHEN you figure out how to take it off, do not throw it over the fence onto the driveway to taunt me. Likewise, do not throw it over on Stella’s driveway to try to hide it from me. She’s on MY side. We are not amused. A little impressed maybe, but not amused. You will not prevail. Stop laughing! I mean it!

Iris. We are putting landscaping and a wrought iron fence across the middle of the side yard. You will no longer use that as the raceway in your attempt to chase cars. The 4” trough you have worn down over the last few years is being filled in and there WILL be grass there (or maybe a nice stone patio :-). Right now it looks terrible and we are tired of falling in it when we try to make a run for it to get away from you all.

The dirt digging, furniture chewing, extension cord eating (!) Corgi…well, we haven’t quite figured out what to do with her. There’s only so much you can hope for with a Corgi. It’s a good thing they are cute.

It’s a good thing they are ALL cute.

2 comments:

nancyneverswept said...

Yeah, you talk tough. Let's see if you actually manage to carry through! Once upon a time, I saw a whole bunch of hot-shot engineers outwitted by a single squirrel. I am no longer sanguine about our so-called "dominion over the animals." Nonetheless, lots of luck!

Cathy said...

The misadventures of life on the farm...delightful! As I sit here watching the massive snow accumulation of our winter melting, I can only imagine the farm sounds and smells of warmer country. Wish I could be there to snicker....

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