Monday, March 14, 2011

So A Sheep Walks Into A Bar...

From an email sent to our festival secretary.

"According to my husband, you all deserve the marketing award of the year for bringing a "sheep" to the downtown festivities today ... He called me a couple of times from downtown and said the (sex unknown to me!) huge sheep was in McCarty's bar and other places, and had the following of a "rock star." "

Ewen kinda likes the rock star part :-D.



If you missed Alice's limerick in the comments yesterday, I posted it on Twitter - see right.

And here are some classics found by Deb W. I especially like "...Ah, now the problems start."

Thanks Deb!

Enjoy :-D


A sheep walks into a bar and orders a beer and a sandwich.

The bartender looks at him and says, "But you're a sheep."

"I see your eyes are working," replies the sheep.

"And you talk!" exclaims the bartender.

"I see your ears are working," says the sheep, "Now can I have my beer and my sandwich, please?"

"Certainly," says the bartender, "sorry about that, it's just we don't get many talking sheep in this pub. What are you doing round this way?"

"I'm working on the building site across the road," explains the sheep.

So the sheep drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, pays and leaves. This continues for 2 weeks. Then one day the circus comes to town. The ringleader of the circus comes into the pub and the bartender tells him about the incredible talking sheep.

"Marvelous!" says the ringleader, "get him to come see me."

So the next day, the sheep comes into the pub. The bartender says, "Hey, Mr. Sheep, I lined you up with a top job paying really good money!"

"Yeah?" says the sheep, "Sounds great, where is it?"

"At the circus" says the bartender.

"The circus?" the sheep enquires.

"That's right," replies the bartender.

"The circus? That place with the big tent? With all the animals? With the big canvas roof with the hole in the middle?" asks the sheep.

"That's right!" says the bartender.

The sheep looks confused and asks: "What on earth do they want with a carpenter?"

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A sheep walks into a bar with jumper cables. The bartender says, "You can come in, but don't start anything!"

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A sheep walks into a bar and says, "Give me a beer before problems start!" Again, the sheep orders a beer again saying, "Give me a beer before problems start!" The bartender looks confused. This goes on for a while, and after the fifth beer the bartender is totally confused and asks the sheep, "When are you going to pay for these beers?" The sheep answers, "Ah, now the problems start!"

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An old lady walks into a bar with a sheep on a leash. A scraggly old drunk staggers over, takes one look, and says, Jeeeez, that's the UGLIEST thing I ever saw! The woman turns her nose up at him and says, This happens to be a stately creature! Go away, you horrid man! The old drunk yells, Lady, I was talkin' to the sheep!

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A man goes into a bar with a sheep, they both get a couple of rounds in. When they get up to leave they're extremely drunk and the sheep passes out and falls over. The man opens the door, about to leave by himself, when the bartender stops him suddenly and says, "Hey! You can't leave that lyin' there!" The man turns around and slurs, "Don't be silly, that's not a lion, that's a sheep!"

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A sheep walks into a bar. He orders a beer. The bartender says, "That'll be $10. You know, we don't get many talking sheep coming in here, you know." The sheep says, "At $10 a beer, it's not hard to understand."

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A sheep walks into a bar, sits down and hears a small voice say, "You look nice today." A few minutes later he again hears a small voice, "That's a nice woolly coat." The sheep asks the bartender, "Who is that?" The bartender says, "Those are the peanuts. They're complimentary."

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A guy walks into a bar and there is a sheep behind the bar serving drinks. The guy is just staring at the sheep, when the sheep says, "What are you staring at? Haven't you ever seen a sheep serving drinks before?" The guy says, "No, I just never thought the horse would sell the place."

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A sheep, a blind guy and a priest walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey, what is this? Some kind of joke?"

15 comments:

Christine said...

Groan!

Ott, A. said...

I love that you got a sheep in a bar. Not like... LOVE!

Mimi Foxmorton said...

Ahhh...March is indeed the proper time to be bringin' a sheep int' a bar............
;)
(and I LOVE that you did!)

Alice said...

A baaa-d baa-r baa-r joke: Why did Ewen drink ale at McCarthys? Because it is made with Baa-rley!

Nancy K. said...

Oh what FUN!!!
:-)

Crazy Lady with purple fingers said...

Love it!!

Pam said...

Complimentary peanuts!!! Bahahahahahha!!

Sarah said...

these were cute, though I didn'tn really get the first one. However, that could just be sleep deprivation at work.

Dreaming said...

What great jokes! Thanks for posting them! What fun!

Loco Lindy said...

Thanks for starting my day with a smile! :)

small farm girl said...

Nice.

Anonymous said...

Those gave me chuckles that I needed! I even LOL'd, startling Emma the Calico Queen who is perched on my printer.

Nancy in Iowa

junelle said...

Good gracious woman~ you are going to be the talk of the town with your partying sheep now! Way to shake spring up a bit!

gowestferalwoman said...

Thank you.

I needed the laugh, and these worked..well, maybe not a laugh, but most like a chuckle...

:D

Ed said...

Now those are funny except they walked in to a Baaa, if you are a sheep from Boston..;-))) LOL!!!

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