A Rambling Post That Needs A Follow Up

First off, thank you so much for all your calendar orders!  As the emails came in and I started writing out address labels and saw familiar name after familiar name, something kind of broke open in me.  

I've mostly felt like I've failed as a "sheep business" these last two years.  That I didn't respond properly to having no fiber festivals, open farm days, in person Wool House Crafters meetings...  As the months drug on and I still didn't rally and Do Something, I felt worse and worse. 

While no one is ever going to go hungry here or not get vet attention whenever they need it, the flock had been able to basically support itself for the last several years.  Me not picking up the baton and keeping things rolling felt like letting them down as well.  Did they know I was making them "fail", too?

Of course they weren't failing!  That's just ridiculous. I have no problem standing up for them.  What I had not been able to do for the last two years was stand up for myself.  I watched as shepherds and fiber artists around me embraced online market places and filled in gaps and figured out ways to keep the lights on...and I...I posted pictures on Instagram.  

Mostly those pictures were for myself.  A diary.  Most of the pictures were beautiful.  Things I wanted to focus on and remember.  Some of the pictures were funny, to make myself and others laugh.  I made sure I posted as much as I could even on days I didn't really want to...for myself, but also for my friends who messaged and emailed and wrote actual letters telling me how much those posts meant to them.  

It was the least I could do...but it wasn't a business.  Even Tim said my business was no longer a business and I should close it down.  He didn't say it meanly, but it still hurt.  I'd been proud of what I'd done the last 15 years and felt like I was just throwing it all away and was apparently powerless to stop it.  A failure.

But...this fall some friends I'd made from the online Wool House Crafters group came to visit and a little crack formed.  I remembered that this is what it used to be like.  Good, kind, fun people standing around a skirting table talking about wool and sheep and what they were going to make.  

And as I wrote out shipping labels this week, with names I've seen for years now, that crack widened.  Most of the emails came in with notes thanking me for the pictures and stories.  Those silly Instagram pictures.  Good, kind, fun people.  You are all still here.

We are all still here.  We are all still here.  We are all. still. here.

I posted pictures on Instagram.  It was the most I could do...and it kept us all together.  I am a part of my flock and we are Not Failures.  We are all still working together, taking care of each other.  Together we are now heading into winter with all our hay and most of our straw paid for.  

So while this seems mostly like a huge thank you post, which it sure is, I also hope a second message shines through for anyone everyone else who has struggled through these times.  Keep showing up.  That is what Not Failing looks like.  It may still feel like it, but you are not failing.  Success is not just keeping your business open.  Success is whatever is important to you.  Don't give up.

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Okay, so this post went way off the tracks :-o.  It was supposed to just be a "Come out to the farm on Saturday and pick up a calendar and Christmas card and say hi to the sheep" post.  I'm going to go get some breakfast, regroup and start over with a new one ;-).